Self-Confidence Is An Attitude
That Can Be Yours

By Alan B. Densky, CH

Self-confidence can be defined as the ability to believe in oneself and one's abilities. This quality is critical to a person's success in life. This characteristic enables people to believe that they are worthwhile and that they can succeed in their endeavors. Even individuals who lack this quality can succeed learn how to boost their self confidence.

Without self-confidence, many people find themselves unable to accomplish life goals. They may be unsuccessful in relationships, academic endeavors, and job situations. They frequently develop a social phobia, and are uncomfortable in group settings. People who lack self-confidence may hesitate to try to set goals or work toward their accomplishment; they are convinced that they will fail. They believe that they are not as good or as capable as the people around them. They frequently do fail because of their lack of belief in themselves. 

In contrast, the individual who is able gain self confidence will find himself or herself able to reverse this painful trend and are able to find healing from this social phobia. This person will find that improving self confidence results in remarkable improvements in relationships and educational endeavors. Sometimes, a job promotion may even result from actions taken to boost self-confidence.

People may have failed to develop self-confidence for a variety of reasons. They may have had overbearing parents, or been teased frequently in school. Some struggled academically or socially. Others simply were not outgoing enough to make friends or experience the affirming support of peers, parents, or teachers. Many of these people struggle with a self-perception of inferiority and incompetence.

Frequently, those who were unable to build self confidence as children find themselves with significant difficulties in building self confidence as adults. They have not learned how to accomplish this, and are able to learn only if they seek the help and support of other people or trained professionals. Too often, people are ashamed to admit that they are hindered by such difficulties, and simply continue to struggle along all their lives.

Many treatments have been used to help people boost self confidence. Many types of counseling therapies, such as behavioral therapy or group therapy, have been used to teach people how to gain self confidence. Countless self-help books have been written to encourage people to boost self-confidence. Professionals offer seminars and retreats designed to help people improve self confidence. 

While each of these methods can be successful, two alternative therapies that are easily learned and amazingly effective for a majority of people who try them are confidence hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic Programming, or NLP. Professionals who practice confidence hypnosis are often able to coach people to develop self confidence and greatly improve both their outlooks and their abilities to succeed in life. 

Traditional hypnosis (using post-hypnotic suggestions) can be very useful. It is most helpful for people who are suggestible and easily led. This type of therapy frequently does not work as well for people who are more analytical or are critical thinkers.

For people who fit the latter category, Ericksonian hypnotherapy and NLP techniques are much more successful. These therapies are excellent for successfully communicating with the unconscious mind, which is the seat of our emotions. This is because they bypass the resistance that analytical people have to the more traditional suggestion type of hypnosis.

One of the NLP techniques that clients are often taught for building self confidence is called anchoring. Anchoring is a natural experience. For instance, if you hear an old song, and experience feelings of deja vu, it's because your unconscious associated the feelings that you were having at one time, with the music that you were listening to at the time. So now when you hear the music again, the unconscious triggers the feelings that are associated with it. So the song is an anchor for those feelings.

With anchoring, clients are regressed to a memory where they did experience the feelings of confidence. As they recall and re-experience those feelings, they are instructed to touch two fingers together. The unconscious then associates the feelings of confidence with the two fingers touching together. If the client says that they have no recollection of ever feeling confident, they can create a fantasy where they do see themselves exhibiting confidence, and then achor those feelings of confidence.

Once they've anchored the feelings of confidence, when they find themselves in a situation that requires self-confidence, touching the fingers together triggers the feelings of confidence, which can be used in the current situation.

Another very powerful NLP technique called the "Flash" can be used to instantly replace stressful emotions, which are frequently associated with a lack of self-confidence. With the Flash, the mind uses the mental images that create a negative feeling, to trigger mental images create a positive feeling.

For example, the client programs the unconscious to use the mental images that are triggering feelings of insecurity, as triggers for mental images that will trigger feelings of confidence. It is our mental images that trigger our emotions.

Every person has goals, and desires. Some people are able to work toward these to accomplish their dreams. Other people allow their lack of self-confidence to defeat them. Although NLP may not work for everyone, the vast majority of people who have used this approach have reported astonishing success in building self confidence. This technique is, in fact, much more successful than alternative approaches for most people. 

Summary: People who lack self-confidence frequently have difficulty succeeding in most areas of their life. Many factors cause people to experience social phobias or the feeling of incompetence. A number of therapies have been developed to assist people to build self-confidence. NLP is widely reported to be highly successful by the majority of clients who have adopted this approach. 

© 2007By Alan B. Densky, CH.  This document may NOT be re-printed without permission. All Rights Reserved.  We are happy to syndicate our articles to approved websites.