It's OK to Trust:
Overcoming a Fear of Intimacy

By Alan B. Densky, CH

Cold silences. Angry outbursts. Heart wrenching dread that he (or she) is cheating on you. Suddenly everything starts going wrong, and a relationship that seemed so promising is suddenly on the brink of disaster. You can't imagine how things could break down so rapidly.

This problem is called "fear of intimacy." It's not uncommon, but it is very hard to overcome unless you recognize the problem and act quickly to get help. If you have found yourself experiencing this stressful relationship pattern over and over again, chances are very high that you struggle with intimacy issues.

If you have developed a fear of intimacy, you are not alone. There is help for your problem, if you are willing to do the hard work necessary to conquer it and develop meaningful, lasting relationships that will be enjoyable and rewarding.

Some people have bad relationships with the primary adults in their lives, such as their parents or grandparents. Many of these adults struggled themselves with intimacy problems or with alcoholism or drug dependency. These adults had difficulty caring for and relating to their children, a problem that they passed on to the children. 

Other persons who have trouble with becoming close to another person became involved in a bad relationship. If you were a victim of abuse, or if your previous partner cheated on you, you may find that it's almost impossible to trust someone else again. Trusting another person after you've been let down or abandoned is extremely hard.

Many people have trouble admitting to themselves or to others that they do have trouble trusting in a relationship. Often, they cannot even say why they have trouble. There may be no single incident or bad relationship to which they can point and say, "This is when I stopped trusting in other people." All they know is that relationships don't seem to last for more than a few months, and they don't know what to do to fix the problem. 

If you are one of these people, or if you know someone who does have a fear of intimacy, there is hope. The first, and one of the most important steps, is recognizing that you have trust issues and deciding that you want things to get better. Only after you are ready to seek healing can you find a way to cope with and overcome the painful emotions within.

Some people settle for seeing a counselor or therapist and talking about their problems. They spend thousands of dollars discussing the issues and hoping that someone will figure out why the problem began and find a way to help them solve it. Others try group therapy, hoping to find some help in talking to other people who are experiencing the same struggles. Neither of these are very effective, and people often become discouraged by the fact that things just don't seem to improve.

There is hope, though. Through the use of a treatment approach called Ericksonian Hypnosis, a client can learn to relax and trust other people. Many people are very resistant to the direct suggestions offered by traditional hypnotherapy methods. Ericksonian Hypnotherapy avoids this pitfall so that suggestions reach the unconscious mind without provoking the conscious mind to put up a wall of resistance. This approach is different from, but very often as effective as Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), another approach that targets the root of the problem, which is located in the client's unconscious mind.

Both Ericksonian Hypnosis and NLP techniques can help a person to relax and learn to trust again. Recently, programs using these techniques have become available on CDs and DVDs. This makes it possible for anyone to use these approaches in the comfort and emotional safety of their own home. Best of all, they can avoid the expense of repeated weekly trips to a practitioner, and these taped sessions can be just as effective as one-on-one sessions with an NLP or Hypnosis expert. In some cases, they are even more effective.

This solution is perfect for those who have already experienced enough loss in their lives. No one wants to lose yet another relationship, or find it impossible to relate to the person who matters most to them. If you're ready to find out more about how you can overcome the fear that you can no longer trust the person who matters most to you, it's time to find out more about these approaches. Don't miss out on help that is so easily available – and so effective!

© 2007By Alan B. Densky, CH.  This document may NOT be re-printed without permission. All Rights Reserved.  We are happy to syndicate our articles to approved websites.